I need to talk about my friend E. He is one of those people I've been lucky enough to meet in my early 20's: we're mature, but have the freedom to add some whimsy in our lives. I can just tell he's going to be one those people who will forevermore be apart of my life and I couldn't be more thankful. Although we've spent many nights just sitting around enjoying each other's company, we do a lot of little things with long lasting impacts...at least for me, but I'm a super sentimental person. E definitely inspires me to live above mediocrity, in actions and words.
Tonight, during one of our life talks over a beer, we started talking about San Francisco, a place I've never been to, but desperately want to. Upon finding out I've never been, E was shocked because this city is like the epitome of all things I love. The thing about E is that he has traveled to so many places all around the world, so he's definitely living a life worth living. So, he stuck out his hand to me and we shook on a promise to drive somewhere far together and explore this summer.
Grand Canyon? San Francisco? Minneapolis? Madison? We tossed around a few ideas, but we don't know right now. The only thing that matters is that we're taking a trip to somewhere new.
These are the things that make lasting memories and lasting friendships.
Here's and cheers to great friends and adventures to come.
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Wednesday, January 27, 2016
cry cry cry
Crying. Happy tears, sad tears, angry tears. There are so many flavors. I've never understood why this is seen as weak. Somehow, I ended up falling into the trap of this popular belief and suppressing pretty much any emotion I've ever felt because I needed to be strong.
I guess I should give a little context to why I've been fixated on this notion lately. On September 5th, 2015, I came home from work and found my sister dead. That did a number on me, but not like I thought it would, initially. I was confused, but I was fine. I felt bad for not feeling as bad as I thought I should. I didn't how to feel anymore. Like I said, I had to continue to be the strong one, which I associated with no tears and no fears.
About two weeks ago, I was laying on the floor in my room, upset because the guy I was dating appeared to be blowing me off....yet again. All of a sudden, completely unwarranted, I found myself screaming and crying and laying on the bed I found her on. In the midst of this anguish, I felt so powerful and free. I'd never felt stronger. I felt in control of my emotions, as strange as it sounds, for the first time in so long. In that moment, that I lay there and screamed "why?" to the top of my lungs, I felt renewed and a sense of relief. I'd finally felt.
I'm currently truly, madly, deeply grieving. A lot. But you know what, it's okay. You know what else, it's okay that I'm not okay. I'm allowed to be sad. I'm allowed to cry for no damn reason at all. I'm allowed to feel sad when I hear a song that reminds me of her and suddenly remember I can't tell her about it.
Here's my point, kids. Cry your little hearts and don't you dare feel one ounce of shame about it. You're a beautiful being and tears only make you glisten more.
I guess I should give a little context to why I've been fixated on this notion lately. On September 5th, 2015, I came home from work and found my sister dead. That did a number on me, but not like I thought it would, initially. I was confused, but I was fine. I felt bad for not feeling as bad as I thought I should. I didn't how to feel anymore. Like I said, I had to continue to be the strong one, which I associated with no tears and no fears.
About two weeks ago, I was laying on the floor in my room, upset because the guy I was dating appeared to be blowing me off....yet again. All of a sudden, completely unwarranted, I found myself screaming and crying and laying on the bed I found her on. In the midst of this anguish, I felt so powerful and free. I'd never felt stronger. I felt in control of my emotions, as strange as it sounds, for the first time in so long. In that moment, that I lay there and screamed "why?" to the top of my lungs, I felt renewed and a sense of relief. I'd finally felt.
I'm currently truly, madly, deeply grieving. A lot. But you know what, it's okay. You know what else, it's okay that I'm not okay. I'm allowed to be sad. I'm allowed to cry for no damn reason at all. I'm allowed to feel sad when I hear a song that reminds me of her and suddenly remember I can't tell her about it.
Here's my point, kids. Cry your little hearts and don't you dare feel one ounce of shame about it. You're a beautiful being and tears only make you glisten more.
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
to all and maybe none
I'm not writing with the intent of reaching many people, but rather to reach myself. I feel like once you write out the things you've been thinking in your head, they magically become this real, tangible thing that you can no longer deny and have it stare back at you.
I come from a really cool town where many people truly embrace the meaning of freedom. Not in the super patriotic sense, but rather in the most basic form of the word. Freedom to feel, do, dress, stand as they please.
I've recently become a member of a local organization that really promotes awareness of social injustices and does what it can to fight for the good of the people. In such a brief time, I've already met so many great people. They all seem to possess such passion, compassion, kindness and love. There are many different backgrounds represented, but everyone is bonded by these qualities that we, as humans, should value most.
There's one person that stands out the most to me. For the purpose of privacy, he'll be J. I feel as though he would disagree with all I say about him because he recognizes the importance of remaining humble, but he is truly one of the most inspirational people I've ever met. Passion and kindness exude from him, but I can also see a pain in his eyes which to me means even more. Through his own struggles, he still wants to see the well-being and happiness of others, most of whom he doesn't and may never know.
All of this to say, J has inspired me to be the change that I wish to see in the world. To be kind. To listen. To have an opinion and stick to it when I truly believe it, even if it isn't the popular one. So here I go.
I come from a really cool town where many people truly embrace the meaning of freedom. Not in the super patriotic sense, but rather in the most basic form of the word. Freedom to feel, do, dress, stand as they please.
I've recently become a member of a local organization that really promotes awareness of social injustices and does what it can to fight for the good of the people. In such a brief time, I've already met so many great people. They all seem to possess such passion, compassion, kindness and love. There are many different backgrounds represented, but everyone is bonded by these qualities that we, as humans, should value most.
There's one person that stands out the most to me. For the purpose of privacy, he'll be J. I feel as though he would disagree with all I say about him because he recognizes the importance of remaining humble, but he is truly one of the most inspirational people I've ever met. Passion and kindness exude from him, but I can also see a pain in his eyes which to me means even more. Through his own struggles, he still wants to see the well-being and happiness of others, most of whom he doesn't and may never know.
All of this to say, J has inspired me to be the change that I wish to see in the world. To be kind. To listen. To have an opinion and stick to it when I truly believe it, even if it isn't the popular one. So here I go.
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